Single parent mistakes to avoid

You’re a single mother with a little girl of five who you adore and who means the world to you. You are so tuned in to each other’s needs that it almost becomes scary. When you are sad after a fight with your former partner who comes to pick her up on the weekends, you transfer this sadness to your little girl, and she tells you, "Don’t be sad, Mummy. Do you want me to stay?" You are so needy and so in need of a friend, you say, yes, and she tells her father that she is going to stay with you. This is so unfair and very bad for a child.

Mistake #1
Your child is not your friend. She’s six years old and looks to you for love and guidance, not the other way around. Do not make the mistake of making your child your friend. She isn’t equipped to be your confidante, teacher, and comforter, and it places her in a position where she can’t help. It is also emotionally damaging and setting her up for a fall. A child should not have to listen to your grievances and personal problems. A child needs to feel safe and protected and does not need the burden of your problems on her shoulders. Our children come to us for guidance; we should not go for guidance to them. Not only will this confuse the child, the child may become insecure and feel that there is no parent to look after him.

Mistake #2
Be consistent with punishment single parents. Don’t over-compensate with gifts and overlook naughtiness because she doesn’t have a father that lives in the home. This is a problem with some parents where the other parent lives outside of the home. They become all things in one and the line is blurred. I have a friend whose partner has left her, rendering her helpless in bed with the curtains drawn and the dreary surroundings matching her mood. Instead of being strong for her child, she tells him that he is the new man in her life. She lets him make decisions and sit in the food trolley and pick junk from the shelves. Don’t confuse your child by being a parent who sets the rules one day and the next let him break the rules without punishment. Punishment need not be harsh, but there should be some degree of punishment for misbehaving, for example, not getting to watch television for a whole day.

Mistake #3
Have a plan and stick to it. Children don’t realize they love order. A situation where they only get to see the other parent on weekends, give them room to play one parent against the other. Both of you decide on the discipline for the child. Don’t let her stay up until midnight to see a movie because, shame, she has no father, and it is Friday night. A six-year-old should have a set time to go to bed. Don’t give mixed signals to your child.

Looking for Single Parents support and help? Learn about grants for single mothers, financial assistance, daycare support and get tips and advice to help you face the tough task of being a single parent at singleparentcenter.net