Rebuilding trust in your former partner

When couples split, there is often a lot of anger and distrust involved. How to get that trust back is not going to be easy, but you will have to try for a civil and respectful relationship between you for the sake of the child. You cannot co-parent effectively if you are at odds. Tell him right from the start that he is important for the well-being of your child, and that your child needs his nurturing too. If you have had lots of arguments in the past, he might probably be suspicious of your motives, and perhaps even think you want him back, but stick to your plan.

Effective ways to foster peace

1. Stick to your promises. If you agree that he can have the children for a few days over the spring holidays, don’t change your mind because he has angered you. You will disappoint the children, and he will also think that you are still the same. You be the bigger person and let him see that you mean what you say.


2. Be consistent as a single parent. Don’t let your emotions rule you. Speak to your ex respectably, especially in front of the children. Let them see that you can still be a family, even if one of you has a new partner, or one of you has fallen out of love. There is no need for separated or single couples not to work well together for the child.


3. Be thoughtful. Let your ex know when there is a soccer or hockey game, or the date and time of the school play. Be sure not to chastise him if he is not sure he can make it, but rather encourage him to come.


4. Listen to what he has to say. He is used to the way the two of you have done things before; let him see that you are serious about raising your children with love and respect and discipline. Try a different way of speaking to him. He might actually listen to you, and you might actually also discover that he is right. You don’t want to win the battle; you want to win the war and change the old way of solving things by being respectful to one another.


5. Show restraint when he says something you don’t like. Remember, he is the children’s father and will be in your life until they turn eighteen, and beyond. Besides, having a toxic relationship with anyone isn’t good for your soul.


6. Jumpstart positive communication between you by asking him his opinion on something about the house, or the children. He will feel good about it. Also agree with him when he says something pertinent and he is right.


7. Tell him that you welcome his input with the children, and that you are glad that he is doing such a good job with them. Tear down years of defensiveness and anger by showing him respect, and letting him know that the well-being of your children is your first concern.

Looking for single parent families support and help? Learn about single parent statistics, financial assistance, daycare support and get tips and advice to help you face the tough task of being a single parent at singleparentcenter.net