Getting through the first year as a single parent

Getting through the first year after the divorce is without doubt one of the hardest things you’ve probably had to do. You are still picking up the bits and pieces of your life, wondering how this has happened to you. You’ve made decisions you never would’ve made the year before, but you have gained strength in the process. You know that you are only at the beginning of the new life you have to carve for yourself. You also know that you are alone, and that you will have to find happiness for yourself without your former partner, and do your best for the children.

How to survive your first year as a single parent

1. Join a support group and get to meet other single moms who are in the same position you are in. You will find you have many of the same concerns and many things in common.


2. Be emotionally present with your kids. It is not only you who have gone through this whirlwind and lost someone; they too are experiencing loss. Listen to them with your heart. Tell them it’s all right to cry. Tell them that they are safe. Take out the Monopoly game, or go for a walk and a swing in the park. Let them not be overwhelmed by your pain.


3. Schedule some quiet time for yourself where you can think and not be interrupted. Perhaps at five in the morning for an hour when everyone is asleep and a new day is dawning or last thing at night when the children are in bed.


4. Pamper yourself and have a monthly massage. It is good for the body, and good for the soul.


5. Allow yourself to feel the pain. The pain of being left can hurt physically. Allow yourself to experience the five stages of grief. They may seem gut wrenching as you go through the anger and acceptance phases, but believe in your heart that time heals everything. A friend of mine was divorced a few years ago, and would put on a CD of violin music by Albinoni for forty minutes and lay on the couch with the remote in her hand and listen to it over and over and cry her guts out.


6. Take stock of your financial situation. How much the move is going to cost, where the kids will be going to school, and who will babysit your youngest child during the week.


7. Stay healthy by having regular meals, including protein such as chicken and fish, with vegetables, and vitamin supplements if you need them.


8. Go for walks with the children and make walking to the shop up the road a regular thing, instead of driving the car. A simple thing like a walk to a park is fun for a child. Build a kite together, or play a board game. Don’t neglect your children’s emotional needs through this very trying time.


9. Congratulate yourself on making it through your first year. You have survived.

Looking for single parent families support and help? Learn about single parent grants, financial assistance, daycare support and get tips and advice to help you face the tough task of being a single parent at www.singleparentcenter.net