Children of divorce coping with family change

The children who cope best with divorce are the ones whose parents have an active interest in their lives. Most parents start the process when they first sit the children down and tell them that they are going to divorce. There is no instant remedy for the pain that follows as each one struggles to deal with what is now going to happen and how they are going to cope, but there are ways to soften the impact as you go through the different stages of grief.

Tips for helping families and children cope with the effects of divorce

1. Be available to your child. He will have questions and fears and how you and your ex partner handle the situation now can mean the difference between failure and success. If you and your ex have already been fighting in front of the children, they probably already knew something like this was coming, and it is not such a shock. Be that as it may, the children will still be shocked when it actually happens, and it is important that you be honest with them. Don’t discuss personal details with them or tell any one of the children what the other party has done. It will cause resentment and make it harder for you to communicate.


2. Allow your children to talk about their feelings. Don’t have this conversation in a rush. Let them take strength from you and follow in your footsteps. Tell them that it is normal to feel hurt and confused. Tell them about the five stages of grief, and tell them that it is all right to cry. Some people use music and lie on the couch for two days with the CD remote in their hand and play a sad song over and over until they have cried themselves out.


3. Let your children know that they can talk to you at any time. Tell them that the father has left the marriage, but that he has not left them. Spend extra time when you tell them that their father loves them and will always be there for them. Be civil to their father when he calls on the phone or turns up at the house to speak to them.


4. Don’t change anything in the house as far as chores, discipline, and daily routine. As a single parent now, don’t feel misplaced sympathy by allowing them to get away with not taking the dog for a walk, or not emptying the garbage, or vacuuming the house. Chores are good to keep busy.


5. Develop a support network and take time out for a manicure or a massage or going out with friends. You don’t want to be moping around the house. You want the children to have a normal family atmosphere. If you are not used to chatting at the supper table, encourage it now and don’t worry about the dishes. Take time to listen to everyone. Sometimes a comment or an idea by the youngest family member is a good one, and you can all act on it.

Learn how to be more effective single parents by visiting singleparentcenter.net and read about single parent grants and how to deal with problem children.